Morning bestie! I hope you slept well and have your coffee ready to go! Today, we’re going to have a chat about self-care and why you need to do it.
This isn’t my first go with blogging. I had a blog a few years ago and I wrote a piece called Self Care Isn’t Selfish. It’s still hanging out there in cyberspace along with all of my old posts. (If you do click that link and go read them, please don’t judge my MLM posts….I stopped drinking that kool-aid a long time ago. Haha) I dug it up last night and re-read it for the first time in a long time. And it kinda broke my heart. I had forgotten a lot of the things that happened that day, but reading it brought it all back in a flood.
You see, back in 2017, I was still married but knew in my heart that it was over. It took me a few more years to leave because my kids were still small and at the time, I was still working at a low paying part-time job (hence the MLM stuff….). I had not yet discovered therapy and I was honestly just trying to survive day to day, sometimes hour to hour.
I was on the right path with trying to start taking care of myself but I just didn’t quite have it down for a multitude of reasons. A big one was my mental health. If you scroll through other posts in that old blog, you’ll see my mental health was a recurrent theme. I was struggling. And I didn’t want anyone to know. Even when I wrote about it, I still was trying to put on a happy face at the same time. I got so good at masking that sometimes I even fooled myself.
The Trouble with Masking
The bad part about that is that when I finally would get so exhausted from trying to keep it all together, I would completely fall apart. Not a little bit, a full on mental breakdown. The winter of 2019 was especially bad. I had finally reached a breaking point and went to the doctor. She changed my antidepressants from one that was working okay to one that made me sooooooo much worse. I’m talking full on panic attacks, all day, every day. I could barely get through my days at work.
When I would get home, I was so agitated and exhausted from trying to hold myself together all day that I couldn’t even handle being in the same room with my family. Most nights, I would cook supper and not even eat it. I would dish up the kids and then retreat to my bedroom where I would lay curled up in the fetal position crying uncontrollably until I would fall asleep. There were many nights where my ex-husband would sit on the bed staring at me with a look crossed between concern and disgust on his face. I felt like such a burden to my family.
There is only so much the mind and body can handle. When you find that breaking point, it is scary. Especially when you feel like you have no control over your thoughts, feelings, or even your own body. There were many times I thought I was literally going to die. My son played hockey at the time, and on most game days, I would have to sit in the car until the game was ready to start and then I would go right back to the car as soon as it was over. Sometimes, I even went out while the zamboni was running. If I didn’t, I felt like the elephant that was perpetually sitting on my chest was going to squash and kill me.
I finally had enough of feeling like this after about 6 months and I stopped taking my meds, cold turkey. While I don’t recommend doing this (hello, brain zaps), I do not have any regrets. After a few weeks, I started being able to handle life again. It still wasn’t perfect by any means, but at least my mind was mostly clear and I wasn’t having constant panic attacks.
Learning True Self Care
Over the next few years, I started to make some serious life changes. I had changed jobs a year before the panic attacks started and had been promoted to payroll coordinator. I absolutely loved my job (still do), and it gave me great pride to leave work feeling accomplished most days. While it is very stressful and chaotic at times, I still find it rewarding. I also started seeing a therapist weekly. I think that was the biggest change for me. It took me a few tries to find one I clicked with, but when I did, that is when my life truly started to change.
My therapist helped me learn that TRUE self care is not only not selfish, but it’s necessary. From our first session, she’s asked me at the end of each one, “What are you going to do to take care of yourself this week?” In the beginning, I would laugh uncomfortably and tell her that I didn’t have time to take care of myself. I had a husband, kids, dogs, a demanding job, aging grandparents. My hands were full! I thought she was nuts. But after a while, I would start naming off little things like “I’m going to make time to take a bath this week,” or “I’m going to make sure I drink all my water.” While these were things I was already doing most of the time, it still felt better to name something.
After my marriage ended, I found myself with a lot more alone time when my kids were with their dad. At first, it was incredibly hard and lonely. But a few months into it, I started to take advantage of this time and truly began taking care of myself for the first time in my life. Now it’s gotten to be such a habit that I don’t even think about it. Things that may seem as minor as washing my face daily used to be such a horribly time-consuming chore that I just wouldn’t do it. Now, I absolutely will not go to bed until I have washed my face and rubbed all the important lotions and potions on it.
Self care does not have to be anything crazy like frequent massages, nail appointments, etc. It can be if that’s your thing and it’s in your budget, but there is so much more to it than that. It’s things like eating healthier (or eating, period which can be a struggle if you’re dealing with mental health issues), drinking your water, showering, washing your dishes, listening to music that makes you feel better. My favorite self-care things are painting my nails weekly, doing my skin care every night, taking a bath every night, reading, and listening to sleep meditations (because this is the ONLY way my AHDH brain will quiet long enough to meditate).
I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” It’s the truth. Moms especially seem to be needed by everyone all the time. We give and give our energy and do very little to replenish it. And eventually, our batteries just die and we need to go plug ourselves in and recharge. But what if we did a little recharging every day rather than waiting until we’re at our breaking point? Do you think we could keep that cup half full this way? I bet we could.
Bestie, I know life is hard sometimes. I know taking care of yourself for even 10 minutes can seem overwhelming when you have crying babies, a partner, a home to run, a job to take care of. But if we don’t take care of ourselves, who is going to do it? It’s up to us to find the time. The chores, the babies, and the partner will still be there after our 15 minute shower. Trust me, they aren’t going anywhere. So take some time today and take care of YOU. You deserve your own love just as much as everyone else that you give it to.
One response to “Self Care – Why You Need to Do It”
Right on the head! You nailed this. I feel like I have walked this exact path. I’m still coming out of the brush but I know exactly why we connected. Thank you for your blogs. I love it!